I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
