Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
