so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize