I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
