What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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