im six kinds of drunk right now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
