can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
