i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
