That's when you crack a 10am beer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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