if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
