are you still at the devil's house?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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