Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
