I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
