Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize