Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
high people should be assigned attendants
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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