I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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