Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize