so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize