My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
