Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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