Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
