Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
