He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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