seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm both gender and math confused
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
