pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
