Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
