11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize