Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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