you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
