Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
