haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
