i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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