I wannas sexs uuuuu
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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