Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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