Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
