Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
