It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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