apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize