flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize