Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
