i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
