Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
