Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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