fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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