Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
