she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
