even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
