I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You've changed since you got that strap on
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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