it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize