i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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