epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
