Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
