Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
