i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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