i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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