as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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