I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
