Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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