I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
