i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
